Six Techniques For Keeping Your Emotions Under Control

Emotional reactions can have a major impact on every part of our life. Throughout our life, the process of socialization and maturation creates a kind of filtering system in our brain. Everything that enters through our senses gets filtered before we're conscious of it.

These filters are based on our attitudes, beliefs, values and prejudices, our feelings, patterns and our self-image. Because these filters are within us, we're often blind to them, but they're firmly in place, and they affect everything we perceive, people, experiences, the news, everything.

Exercising emotional control means being aware of your filters, your "hot buttons," as some people call them, and it means being able, if your choose, to control your reactions. You need to become familiar with how your body responds to an emotional reaction. It's one of the ways you can recognize, and admit, that a strong emotional reaction is brewing.

For example, what happens when someone calls you a liar, or any implication that questions your integrity? How about demeaning remarks that are an attempt to put you down? What's your reaction when someone uses a racial or ethnic slur?

Remarks that make you feel defensive about your integrity, your ideas, or who you associate with can set off an immediate reaction. Here are six techniques that can help you keep your emotions under control:

1. What the person says can trigger your emotions negatively or positively. Either way, there's a danger of losing track of the conversation. So you need to recognize that you're having an emotional reaction to the speaker. Only then can you begin to address it. Some signs might be an increase in your heart and breathing rate, you have a strong desire to interrupt or raise your voice, you lose your train of thought, or your muscles may become tense.

2. Once you have recognized a strong emotional reaction brewing, you can redirect that negative energy. Breathing brings your attention back to center stage and away from whatever irritated you. If you become anxious annoyed by a remark that's suddenly charged, deep breathing will help calm you down. If something the person said is really bothering you, shifting your focus to your breathing for a few seconds and watching your breath go in and out, a sort of mini-meditation exercise, will do wonders for your emotional control.

In terms of emotional control, deep breathing helps, bit it may not be enough. You may find it necessary to really stop and change your focus for a few seconds. For example, you could think back to a time when you were feeling great, when your self-image was not in question.

3. If someone says something that upsets you, always smile at the other person, us some kind of acknowledgment, and then encourage him or her to vent the feeling or expand on the issue.

4. Resolve the emotional exchange by working toward at least one positive outcome of the interaction.

5. Ask for some kind of advice. It's hard to remain angry or caustic when you've been asked to help.

6. After the conversation has ended debrief yourself. When you're back in a relaxed atmosphere, go over the conversation and think about what triggered your emotional reaction. Try to be as specific as possible. Debriefing yourself will help you better respond to a similar situation next time.

Keep in mind we all have bad days. Imagine how bad you'd feel if you responded negatively to someone's unkind remark, only to find out later that they just had a death in the family, filed for bankruptcy or had just lost their job. You can try to uncover the motivation for someone's remark, or you can choose to ignore it.

Copyright©2008 by Joe Love and JLM & Associates, Inc. All rights reserved worldwide.

Joe Love draws on his 25 years of experience helping both individuals and companies build their businesses, increase profits, and success coaching programs. He is the founder and CEO of JLM & Associates, a consulting and training organization, specializing in career coach training. Through his seminars and lectures, Joe Love addresses thousands of men and women each year, including the executives and staffs of many businesses around the world, on the subjects of leadership, achievement, goals, strategic business planning, and marketing. Joe is the author of three books, Starting Your Own Business, Finding Your Purpose In Life, and The Guerrilla Marketing Workbook.

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